The Divorced Muslimah- Part 3

Flashback

She hasn’t always been the Divorced Muslimah; there was a time when her identity was linked to her father; not her broken marriage. She didn’t have a lavish lifestyle, but she had all that she needed to make a perfect fairy tale: loving parents.

Her parents were immigrants who came to this country for a better life; not for themselves, but for their children.

She still remembers the time she spent ‘back home’, and how her father had a good stable job, and how her mother enjoyed being a housewife. They lived a very happy life there; but her father seemed always worried about their future; he had lost both his parents when he was young, and knew what hardship was; and he didn’t want either of his two daughters to struggle. Putting his trust in Allah, he left his country, the few family and friends he had and his wonderful job as a clerical officer to build a future for his two jewels.

The Divorced Muslimah was old enough to understand her parents’ hardship when they moved here. She had seen it all. Her educated father took a job as a construction site worker and worked his way to his deathbed. She remembers how after they moved to the ‘better’ country, she hardly got to see him and how he always looked tired and thin. This country had taken its toll on him, yet he wanted to keep going as there was a better future here for his daughters. She also remembers how he used to smile whenever she and her sister would bring home her report books. Her father used to tell her how everything is a trial from Allah, and the only real success would be in the hereafter; and whenever she used to tell him off for working too hard, he would say ‘My reward is with Allah, if I do not look after my 3 ladies, and give them the best, what would I answer Him?’

Finally, the success in this world her parents were waiting for came; she had bagged a scholarship at a prestigious university and that would cover all her university fees. Everyone was overjoyed in the family, except for The Divorced Muslimah, this was not what she wanted, she had been aiming for a full scholarship that would also cover her accommodation and other expenses. The university was away from home; but it was one of the best in her field of study, which meant she was guaranteed a job In sha Allah, they all hoped. She didn’t want to be a burden for her family anymore, they had to concentrate on her younger sister; and save some money for her. Her father’s health was not good anymore, and he was not getting much work due to that.

The Divorced Muslimah knew what she had to do; sacrifice like her parents did not only for herself but for her whole family. Even before moving to her place of study, she started applying for jobs; and within a week of moving to her prestigious university, she managed  get a job as a cleaner in a private hospital. She knew In sha Allah  if she watches her spending, she should be able to pay for her own expenses as well as save for her younger sister. It wasn’t easy; her course was very demanding; she had chosen to study civil engineering; it wasn’t the most common option for  a hijabi Muslim, and she actually didn’t know any hijabis who worked in this field; not only was she the only ‘immigrant’ on her course, but she was also the only female Muslim. Her relatives and even her mum had tried to convince her dad that it was not appropriate for her to be in this field, as it’s a job for men; but her father had supported her choice. She has spent years watching her dad being treated like a dog on the construction site; she wanted to make a difference in other construction workers’ lives.

Her father unfortunately could not live long enough to see her graduate, and passed away a few months after she started University. This was a big blow for her family; the only bread-earner was gone. The Divorced Muslimah wanted to take it on herself to support them. She asked for the University to convert her full time studies into part time, meaning, she would have to spend 4 more years at Uni instead of 2.

Her younger sister had chosen a different path, she wasn’t interested in her studies, and dropped out of college at 16, although The Divorced Muslimah tried a million times to convince her about how vital her studies would be and  how any sort of qualification or skill would be an asset, her sister had no interest whatsoever. She had also fallen in love with a man, who was almost twice her age. To avoid any fitna and sin, her mother got them married as quickly as possible. Following her sister’s marriage, her mum decided to return back home to her family as they were both old enough to look after themselves now.

By the time the Divorced Muslimah finished her Bachelors, she was already entering her late 20s, and everyone kept reminding of how old she is getting and she’s still not married. She wanted to become someone first, she wanted to stand on her own feet; but she also was feeling very much lonely. It had been almost a year since she had finished her Bachelors, and she still hasn’t found a job even though she topped University. She knew what the problem was, but she was unwilling to accept it, she was not going to compromise her identity as a Muslim for a job!

Instead, she set out to start a Masters, that will boost her knowledge, and In sha Allah be enough to get her job. She kept her job as a cleaner all along, at the end of the day; it was about survival until situations get better In sha Allah. She hated to be reminded how old she was getting, and how everyone else was married with kids, while she’s wasting her time studying. As much she hated them reminding her of it, she also hated to be lonely, she had spent almost 10 years on her own, and it was starting to draw on her. She longed for company, for someone to talk to when she gets back home, for someone to do things with and for someone to love her and care for her. She had planned out her life but Allah was the biggest planner of All.